I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
