His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
