You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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