i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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