He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
