if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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