I hate your face
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
