Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
