His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You're a waste of cheezeits
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
