what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
