I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
