Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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