i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
