If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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