i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
