there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
