Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
