The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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