if i can run in heels then i can drive
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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