so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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