help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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