I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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