Say something about gay babies.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
