it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
