if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i love accidental penises.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize