She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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