I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
