I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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