She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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