If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
