Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
