so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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