PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
