her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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