GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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