I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
