You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
