So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
MIDGETS
????
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
