Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
