just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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