I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
