I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
