Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish I only lived at night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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