she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I could fuck to npr.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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