The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
