why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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