I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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