So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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