I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
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She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now