I wish i was in the wii world.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.