Texts From Last Night

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  (469): View more from Texas

  I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...

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  (469): I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra... http://tfl.nu/hira
  Replies (45) Good night (6427) Bad night (1247)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."

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  (780): I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked." http://tfl.nu/ikiz
  Replies (37) Good night (4930) Bad night (683)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.

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  (201): they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne. http://tfl.nu/0coi
  Replies (22) Good night (4229) Bad night (2223)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless

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  (608): Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless http://tfl.nu/2knh
  Replies (75) Good night (3840) Bad night (1525)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism

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  (651): Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism http://tfl.nu/8f4x
  Replies (4) Good night (3416) Bad night (930)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...

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  (443): At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead... http://tfl.nu/ukld
  Replies (10) Good night (807) Bad night (4408)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.

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  (631): Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants. http://tfl.nu/35y8
  Replies (9) Good night (2587) Bad night (1047)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels

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  (613): you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels http://tfl.nu/5vyu
  Replies (11) Good night (1407) Bad night (3911)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off

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  (401): yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off http://tfl.nu/phv1
  Replies (2) Good night (1983) Bad night (1196)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.

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  (443): I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings. http://tfl.nu/mygm
  Replies (6) Good night (1710) Bad night (751)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?

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  (843): I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out? http://tfl.nu/h2y5
  Replies (19) Good night (2318) Bad night (805)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear

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  (219): my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear http://tfl.nu/60vm
  Replies (11) Good night (2213) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life

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  (519): Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life http://tfl.nu/r9i3
  Replies (7) Good night (247) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.

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  (904): You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on. http://tfl.nu/d3w2
  Replies (0) Good night (600) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"

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  (518): I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication" http://tfl.nu/6zyw
  Replies (6) Good night (815) Bad night (187)

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