you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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