You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
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I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday