That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"