Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
