You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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