Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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