Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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