hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
