I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
