Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
