Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
