So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
