How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
