i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
