I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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