This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and she was petting her beer can
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
