i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
