wat bout pragnant strippers??
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
