Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
