Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
