Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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