I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Text me some of your sweat
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
