If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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