i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
