You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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