Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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