How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
