Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
