I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
love makes seman taste better
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
