"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
