About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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