Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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