omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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